


The Boy With The Thorn In His Side

by PetitManu



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-19 15:00:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3614250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetitManu/pseuds/PetitManu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn Malik leaves One Direction. A fictional account of how things could have happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This Is Music

_I stand accused just like you_

_For being born without a silver spoon_

_Stood at the top of the hill of this town_

_I was found_

 

"I’m lucky enough to come from a large and very close family, so I’ve got mostly fantastic memories of my childhood. Growing up in Bradford, a town in the north of England was interesting and sometimes a bit of a challenge. It’s a great area, and the sense of community and family is very strong there. 

When I was a kid, though, there were quite a few new families arriving and some moving on too, so the community was changing fairly rapidly. This had an impact on me simply because I’m mixed race. As a really young kid, it never crossed my mind that being Irish/English/Asian might cause some people an issue – I was just having a great time playing with my three sisters and friends.

But as I got older, a few kids started asking questions, and that’s when I began to realise that some of them thought I was – how can I put it? – different. Kids always like to put things in a category – it’s just a part of childhood and growing up in a way, because it helps them understand stuff that’s around them. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just the way kids are. Kids are inquisitive. That’s fine when you’re at school and someone’s asking you which football team you support or what bands you’re into, but when I started to get a little older and joined in with various social groups at school, some of the kids started asking me questions that I just didn’t understand.

‘Where are your parents from?’ or ‘Where are you from?’ as well as ‘Why is your mum white and your dad brown?’ I can honestly say that when they asked that last one it had never even crossed my mind before, so I didn’t actually know what to say in reply. I was confused. Not confused about who I was and what was important to me but about why these kids were even interested in this stuff in the first place.

I couldn’t understand why it had any relevance. It was baffling. I just thought, Why do you find that so interesting? What does it matter to you? My mum’s my mum and dad’s my dad."

  

* * *

 

This is the story of how Zayn left the band. 

But first things first.

 

Zayn Malik had never been like other kids. He was one of those children that preferred to stay inside and read a book rather than go outside and wander about. He was a child of great determination that was always inquisitive and curious. But, as he grew older, Zayn noticed that asking a lot of questions was not necessarily desirable. Some of his teachers at school supported his never-ending thirst for knowledge. But most people were annoyed by the endless flow of questions coming out of Zayn’s mouth. 

As for the other kids his age, they perceived Zayn as weird and somehow out of place. Usually those thoughts were not even spoken aloud, but they were reflected in the glances and actions directed towards him. Incapable of changing this fact, Zayn tried to make friends nevertheless. Most of the time his attempts were met with rejection. But once he had found a friend, he would cherish the moments he could spend with that new person in his life.

Unlike most kids, Zayn never betrayed any of his friends. Loyality was one of his major strengths, which was something he only learnt to acknowledge about himself over time. Zayn also couldn’t lie to his friends. Honesty, just like loyality, was a virtue in theory, but not in real life. It made growing up incredibly hard for Zayn.

Growing up with three sisters, Zayn was used to having a lot of people around his home. This didn’t mean that he could deal with situations where many people were around him. As a child Zayn could mostly ignore the people around him, but as he grew older he increasingly noticed the irritated stares and confused glances he would receive every day. The thing that upset him the most was that he could never exactly know _why_ people were staring at him.

Now, there is one more thing about Zayn Malik that you have to know. Having been born Zayn Javadd Malik on January 12, 1993, to Trisha Malik – daughter of an Irish pub owner and his wife – and Yaser Malik – a Pakistani Muslim – life was different for him than for most English kids in the first place.

As a kid, Zayn had always dreamt of becoming a singer. He’d sit at the back of his Geography class, chanting Irish folk songs or whatever popped up in his head, and even if he got told off, he didn’t care. Zayn liked the things he liked. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Zayn had always been the more artistic kind. Drawing, painting, literature and theater were some of his interests. There were other subjects – like Maths - that he didn’t really care about. He’d always been like that. Zayn couldn’t really change that about himself. Which, again, made life pretty hard for him.

At one point in his life, Zayn figured out he could never be at a normal job. He had often thought of becoming an English teacher, but that was about it. He needed to find a way to find a path in life for himself. A path that was built on his abilities, not his failure. 

So applying for the X Factor 2008 seemed like a good idea. Just that he never made the next step. He tried again in 2009, but opted out at the last minute.

His mother, as observant and caring as she was, made him go the third time. 2010.

And that’s how life began for him.


	2. Lord Don't Slow Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back on tour in 2014.

_Let the lights go down_

_Me and you are gonna shoot 'em all_

_You keep saying that my head's locked up in the clouds_

_But keep praying that the Lord won't slow me down_

* * *

 

**Endorphins**

 

Endorphins are most heavily released in the human body during stressful events or in moments of great pain. The rush of endorphins into the system at such times is often felt as a queasy or nervous feeling in the stomach.

When endorphins are low, people feel anxious; they are also more aware of pain.

The characteristic increase in bodily endorphin levels caused by chocolate is believed to play a significant role in its often being turned to as a comfort food in times of stress.

The emotional richness of music can give people a sense of euphoria, or ‘a high’. The healing chemicals created by the joy and emotional richness in music enable the body to create its own anesthetic and enhance the immune function.

Nicotine, when first ingested, causes a person to feel awake and alert, shortly after that person feels calm and relaxed. This is due to an elevation in endorphins, which are the body’s natural pain reduction and pleasure chemicals that are produced in the brain.

Once you are a habitual smoker, your mind and body develop a physical dependence for nicotine. Smoking excites your body’s pleasure chemicals and puts them into high gear. This makes you feel very good – until your body summons you to replenish the depletion of nicotine in your system.

* * *

 

They have just started touring Canada and the US. Zayn loves the USA. It’s a huge country. It’s a country he has always wanted to visit as a child. But the furthest trips he can remember were to Manchester or somewhere in the South of England. 

So it’s always very exciting for him whenever the tour reaches the US.

Harry is scribbling away in his notebook right across from him in the tour bus. Niall and Liam have disappeared somewhere, probably to play a game on the PS 4. And Louis is lying in his bed, headphones blocking him out from the rest of the world.

Zayn is tapping his fingers against the window as he watches the landscape go by. He is in desperate need of a smoke, but their next stop is still two hours away. That is a lot of time to be filled. He considers taking a short nap.

Harry sighs quietly and turns a page to scribble on that one, too.

It’s too quiet for Zayn’s taste. He can even hear his own breathing. Zayn starts feeling nervous. If only there was something he could do to pass the time.

“Ah, shit!”

Zayn looks away from the window and sees Harry holding the index finger of his left hand in his right.

“What?”

“Papercut.”

Zayn smiles lightly. Harry can be really sensitive when it comes to physical pain.

“What are you doing anyway?”

“Just some doodles…” Harry shrugs.

“Can I have a look?” 

“Um… I’m not sure. It’s not very interesting…”

Zayn is looking at him expectantly, but pouts as he sees Harry putting the notebook away. Harry doesn’t seem to be in a particularly good mood.

They pass some more minutes in silence, Harry entering messages into his smartphone while Zayn is chewing on a cereal bar he has found in his bag, as Louis storms in shouting at the top of his lungs.  

“G-g-g-going to Phillay! Phillay! The adventure continues!”

Harry looks up from his phone and grins his ridiculous smile that Zayn loves so much.

“What’s up, guys? Looking so glum…”

Louis plops down on the seat next to Harry and tries to look at his phone over his shoulder, but Harry was quick enough to put it away in time.

“I’m booored!”

Harry rolls his eyes. “Why don’t you join Liam and Niall then?”

“But I want to do stuff with you!”

“Not in the mood…”

“What about you, Zayn?”

Zayn just shrugs. “Any ideas?”

“What about some good old-fashioned truth or dare?” Louis raises his eyebrows.

“Pfff, what are you, twelve?” Harry shakes his head and pushes Louis’ arm out of the way to go to the back of the bus.

“Hey! You can’t just go away!”

“Sorry, I’ll be on the loo, in case you’re looking for me…” Harry calls over his shoulder as he is already half-way through the door.

Louis looks back at Zayn. “Can you believe this kid?” he says dramatically and points at the door with his thumb.

Zayn smirks and takes one last bite from the cereal bar before he puts the rest of it in his mouth.

“Two dates, huh? Gonna be exciting, don’t you think?” Louis rubs his hands.

“I guess…”

It’s not like Zayn doesn’t look forward to the next shows, it’s just that the nervous feeling pooling at the pit of his stomach made it really difficult to think of anything else.

The other boys never seem to experience the same emotional extremes that Zayn has to through before each concert. Sometimes it’s even so bad he ends up having a severe anxiety attack. Usually, it will only take one of the boys to comfort him, but if it’s especially bad, Zayn has to find a quiet and empty space to calm down. 

“Zayn?” 

“Sorry, what?”

“I was asking whether you’re alright.” Louis is looking straight at him.

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m fine.” Zayn nods.

“Good.”

Louis doesn’t seem convinced, but at least he stopped asking. 

It’s only when Harry returns from the toilet, Zayn thinks something is out of place.

“Louis?” Harry says quietly and stops at Louis side.

“Yes, Harold?”

“Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Sure, hun.” Louis winks at Zayn and adds, “I’ll be back in a sec, my Bradford bad boy.”

Zayn just grins.

He can’t really concentrate on his drawing, which he only started because he couldn’t think of anything else to do. Harry has been acting a bit weird since the beginning of the tour. And now that Zayn can hear Louis’ and Harry’s mumbling from next door, Zayn wonders whether Harry is hiding something from him.

They have always been so close, but the last couple of weeks Harry seemed unusually awkward whenever he was in the same room with Zayn. Maybe it was something Zayn had said because Harry was known for being overly sensitive to certain comments.

Like that time Liam had wound him up about his friendship with Nick Grimshaw. Harry hadn’t really spoken to Liam for a week.

 

_“Well, Haz, how’s your friend Nick?”_

_“Oh, Nick’s good.”_

_“You seemed to be having a really good time with him those last couple of weeks. Something more going on?"_

_“I don’t know what you mean…”_

_“Ah, Harry… We all know you fancy him. Like… a lot.”_

_“Why would you say something like that, Liam? That’s so immature.”_

_“Well, some people have very special interests, nothing wrong with that…”_

 

Zayn could still see Harry’s look on his face. 

He had wanted to say something, but couldn’t. He usually just lets the boys tease each other. But sometimes he feels they are invading each other’s personal space. Or they just say something extremely discriminating. Zayn is careful not to do that himself.

Pulling himself back out of his thoughts, Zayn draws some more lines onto his notepad before Louis and Harry are coming back.

The room goes very cold from one moment to the next and Zayn can’t say why. Louis looks unusually serious and Harry… has been crying.

“Well, Zayn, here we are again.”

“I’m taking a nap,” Harry mumbles and turns back to walk the way he has just come.

“What…”

“Never mind,” Louis says with a wave of his hand. “Let’s play some cards.”

Zayn just nods and looks at Harry closing the door behind himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I finally managed to write this chapter. I haven't written anything for two weeks because a certain someone has been on my mind all the time.

**Author's Note:**

> I have wanted to write since December, but never actually started. Most of the things I have only mapped out in my head, not on paper.
> 
> This is my way of dealing with the very recent news of Zayn's departure from the band.
> 
> I am angry and disappointed and sad.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the fic.


End file.
